Culture and economy

Came to my mind that...

人々の、地域の経済活動はその地の文化と深く関わっている

例えばディズニーランドのチケット
物質的には、ただの紙切れ
ディズニーランドを知らない文化、または、ディズニーランドがそんな大事ではない文化では、それはやはりただの紙切れ
でも、日本文化内では、日本文化がディズニーランドに付加した消費価値、商品/ブランド価値、商業価値が付加されて5000 円相当の価値のある紙切れに変身する

  同じことがたくさんのことに当てはまる
物が溢れすぎていて、逆に少ないものに囲まれて生きること、シンプルに生きることに一種の価値が付加されてる日本
より広く、多くの物、高価なものに囲まれてることが社会的地位を反映する文化

保持するものによって、社会的地位が決まる
逆に、その社会的地位が欲しいから、それを周りから認められたいから、その商品を買う
消費文化、商業文化にはまっていく

自分は自分なのに、どこにいてもなにを着てても自分は自分なのに、日本の商業文化、商品に帰属されてる文化的付加価値に影響され、染まっていた自分に気付いた

Homosexuality

Thought im totally cool with it
But probably i wasnt
I just wanted to play the person with big-heart or whatever

Stayed at my friends place in paris
Met them in santa barbara
Us three and another girl even went camping togeter
Went out partying together

Didnt see it coming..
Now those two are dating
It was really wierd and uncomfortable

To see two of my female friends making out in public
To feel third-wheel when im with female friends of mine
To give 'my friends' some private space so they can have some moments
To hear them moorning

It was really awkward to me

Why?
Because they are two females
Because they were straight when i met them
Because i know they used to be roommates

Because love, affection should only grow between a man and a woman?
Or can love be developed among more than two people?
Practically its possible
Love among two guys and a girl
Love among two girls and a guy....
Because love is  just a kind of feeling humans grow naturally
It can be grown toward anything. People, pets, animals, things..
Hmm the definition of love keeps expanding...
Whats 'love' then?

Some people might say the affection a heterosexual couple grow is different from the affection people develop towards pets and animals
But to some people, those two kinds of love must be felt the same

The bottom line is...
If you love 'somebody', you would want to be happy together
You would want to be a part of their lives
If you like somebody, you would want them to be happy
You would wish their lives are filled with happiness

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thought i was totally cool with it
But apparently, only when i dont know the two people

Im not judging homosexual people
Im not against homosexuality or anything
Its just...it was shocking to see my friends making out and having sex i guess

And made me realize i just wanted to be playing the person with big heart

お人好しじゃなくて、優しい人

考えてみると、自分は今まで「 お人好し」と「 優しい」を混同してた気がする
今朝朝食を作ってた時にふと浮かんだ感覚

いきなり、どこから来たのか知らないけど、
いい気付き。
人間の脳の仕組みってほんとおもしろい
今まで考えたこともなかったことをいきなり思い付いて、
そしてそれが結構いろんなことを繋げてくれたりする

ひとりっこに生まれたから
「一人っ子だから仕方ないよね・・・」 って言われたくなくて
わがままって思われたくなくて
友達のやりたいことを聞くようになった。

なまじ勉強も運動もできたから
何か言うとみんなよく賛成してきたから
自分の発言が影響力を持ってたから
その影響力、その感覚が嫌で、意見を言わなくなった。

自分のやりたいこと、思うことより、友達のやりたいことを優先してたかった。
頼まれたり希望言われたら、なんでも聞き入れていたかった。
そうすることによって、自分を安心させてた
「よし、自分は一人っ子っぽく振舞ってない」って。

それがいつからか、なんにでも「うん」っていう自分になってた。
嫌われたくないから
煙たがられたくないから

でもさ、そういう子ってつまらない

今でも友達とグループでいると、なにか決める時に意見あんまり言わない
小学校の時の感覚が体に染み付いてて、
自意識過剰なんだろうけど、
「もし自分がここでなんか提案したら、みんなに私のやりたいことをやらせることになっちゃう」って。

指揮を取ることを期待されてる場面ではやりやすい
むしろ、楽しいし好き

ただ、他の場面、プライベートでは、
着いて行く側なの、たまにつまらないし嫌だけど
提案して引っ張ってく側の時に感じるあの感覚の方がもっと嫌だから
やっぱり着いて行く。

お母さんによく
「なんでそんなにお人好しなの。もっと自分を持ちなさい！」って言われてきた。
自分がないわけじゃないって反発した。

でも今考えると、つまりは自分がなかったんだな。
受け入れる範囲と断る部分の線引きができてなかった。
自分が、なにが大事だと思うか、なにを大事にするかっていう核が
明確じゃなかった。
つまり、ただのお人好し。

でも最近は、筋の通った優しさを身につけ始めている気がする。
おかしいと思うことはおかしいし、ずれてると感じることはずれてる。
自分の感覚もっと信じていいんだって思い始めてる。
そう思わせてくれる友達に恵まれた。

たまりに溜まって友達に相談すると、よく驚かれる
「よくそれ我慢できたね」って。

でもやっぱりまだ、訝りとか疑問をぶつけるのは苦手分野。

Race and consiousness

Blonde and blue eyes
Black and black eyes

Long legs and small face
Short legs and big face

Big round eyes
Narrow sharp eyes

Race..or more like speices??
We are all humans

We all talk, walk, eat, dress, laugh, sleep and live

But i cant or dont do things like they do
They cant or dont do thinkgs like i do

Its not something people should feel inferior to or superior to
Thats just the way it is
Thats how each one of us is built and how our mindset is cultivated

But theres been something stuck in me. Still
Deep down inside, im looking down on Japan and myself
Deep down inside, im looking up on 'the West'
Buildings, life style, how people carry themselves around, the colour of cities, the smell of cities, even the colour of the sky

Then where is this coming from? 
How many times have i asked myself this question...

Hmm...
Simple attraction they give off
Simple admiration for something i dont have
Or... my dad always talking shit about Japan and comparing it to Europe...

I did not like this feeling in myself
So spent a year in California
Found out that Japan and the US both have its upside and downside
Even in Cali where its supposed to be one of the comfortable places to live
I started to like Japan afterwards
Found some things i can be proud of

This trip, discovering the other parts of the world
will prolly end up
Rediscovering Japan, and myself as one who grew up in a small island called Japan

Who am i
What were the factors that tuned me as who i am now
What do i like about myself
What do i not like about myself

What do i want with my life


Never a single answer
Multipul answers

And thats fine
I myself am too complicated to begin with
What i want had never been able to be drawn in a complete picture


Hope i can add some more lines to it

People

People
Girls. Boys.
 Ladies. Men. 

Jewelies.  Watches.
Skirts. Geans. 
Cigarretes. Cigarretes. 

Scarfs. Hats. 
Laughes. Smiles. 
Sneakers. Sneakers. 

Glass. Pitcher. 
Shorter. Taller. 
Icecream. Icecream. 


They all come down to...
Love. Love. 

Hamburg

I like this
This feeling of loneliness

Sitting here on the bench alone
Missing the people i love

Sitting here on the bench alone
Letting this feeling sink in myself

Sitting here on the bench alone

Scenes come in and go
Thoughts come in and go

Dreams come in and go
Regrets come in and...disappear

Tokoyo. Hamburg. 
Japan. Germany. 

I like this
This feeling of 'the world and me'

Thats why i love traveling
Thats why i cant just stay at one place
Thats why i really wanted to make this trip come true

Life is too short to let it go through
The world is too big to wait for it to come to you

I dont wanna miss out on anything
The world is 'definitely' bigger than you think

A brief stop at Taipei, Taiwan

As i had about 6hours until my connecting flight, i decided to explore Taipei.

Took me an hour on the bus to get there and another hour to come back.
I was oly there for an hour or even shorter in the end but it was very interesting.
My first visit to an Asian city, alot different from the world ive known.

Ppl bike everywhere. I only saw one person on a bike.
Taipei main station reminds me of Shinjuku east exit.
I tended to look for similarities maybe because the stress i felt from not being able to communicate well and understand what people were talking was bigger than i expected.
Gosh it tired me out...
But really liked the part that ppl gather at bike shops and chat alot. Def felt the community there.

This came to my mind. A famous line by some well-known communication studies scholar.

"people cannot not communicate"

Yes, the circle of people, it is!