Why do you always have to...

Why do you always have to hurt someone you care for the most...

The answer is just simple.
you might have done the same thing to other people but it would probably never cross your mind that you hurt them really badly.
or you dont just give a shit if you have hurt them.
or you dont even realize what bad you have done to them.
you know you hurt someone only when you care about them and when you really feel the pain.


it sucks and i feel like shooting myself
because he means the world to me
because he doesnt deserve any of this
because he smiled at me again

because I know how much he cared about me
because I lost him
because I wanted to be the one to always show him the good side of being in the relationship and to get him out of the dark hole you have been in


I care about him so much that i cant forgive myself for hurting him.
I care about him so much that i cant get my mind off of the thought of how he must have been feeling that night and when he was smiling at me pretending like nothing happened.
I care about him so much that..... i shouldnt do this anymore.

We had it all
We developed it together
and I completely destroyed it in one fucking night

I shouldnt have got him involved.
Why was I so confident that Im different from those girls he had in the past and would never treat him like they did.
Look what happened.
At the end of the day, I guess I am no different.


It would be easier on me if he just broke up with me
the longer he stays with me, the longer he would have to suffer from the memory of the night, worry about me, and be haunted by the traumas
he doesnt deserve any of them

I am disappointed with myself and feel like shooting myself because

you smiled at me again