Why do you always have to hurt someone you care for the most...
The answer is just simple.
you might have done the same thing to other people but it would probably never cross your mind that you hurt them really badly.
or you dont just give a shit if you have hurt them.
or you dont even realize what bad you have done to them.
you know you hurt someone only when you care about them and when you really feel the pain.
it sucks and i feel like shooting myself
because he means the world to me
because he doesnt deserve any of this
because he smiled at me again
because I know how much he cared about me
because I lost him
because I wanted to be the one to always show him the good side of being in the relationship and to get him out of the dark hole you have been in
I care about him so much that i cant forgive myself for hurting him.
I care about him so much that i cant get my mind off of the thought of how he must have been feeling that night and when he was smiling at me pretending like nothing happened.
I care about him so much that..... i shouldnt do this anymore.
We had it all
We developed it together
and I completely destroyed it in one fucking night
I shouldnt have got him involved.
Why was I so confident that Im different from those girls he had in the past and would never treat him like they did.
Look what happened.
At the end of the day, I guess I am no different.
It would be easier on me if he just broke up with me
the longer he stays with me, the longer he would have to suffer from the memory of the night, worry about me, and be haunted by the traumas
he doesnt deserve any of them
I am disappointed with myself and feel like shooting myself because
you smiled at me again
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Book review 1: 仕事は5年でやめなさい by松田公太
This is a book written by the CEO of Tully's Coffe Japan, Kota Matsuda.
It is not about how he succeeded as a businessman or how Tully's Coffe Japan was launched.
It is more of a book for anyone who is striving to make the full out of their lives.
I basically skim-read the book in one hour but some sentences stroke my mind.
5 years...5 years are what you need to move up to the next level. In other words, you might want to hang in there for at least 5 years, in order to really SEE 'the world' and absorb what you experienced. Then why 5 years? According to him, 5 years is what he thinks it takes to take yourself to a next, higher level. I personally think, in business-wise, 4 years should be long enough. In the 1st year, you kind of try and error, and learn lessons. 2nd year, you make use of both mistakes and successes you made in the 1st year. And 3rd year...3rd year is the year to apply past experiences to the annual routines and make it more effective and efficient. 4th year, it might be the time to apply past experiences to what to come next. But I don't know, the time span one needs totally depends on persons and their ability, what they do and how they learn from the past and plan the future...
Speaking of planning the future, one more piece of knowledge that hit me. It's nothing new, I sort of already absorbed this idea from playing sports but never knew it could be applied to business, or let alone, life. When you see the end, you will be naturally motivated to work even harder since you only have so much time and you know you won't be doing what you are doing at the moment for ever. It's like sports. You NEED to set a goal, you NEED to have a dream that you want to make come true by a certain date. Otherwise, you will probably end up spending life repeating the same stuff and wondering when you will get there or if you will ever get there... If you know you only do what you are doing now only for 5 years, you will calculate backwards WHAT you need to achieve BY WHEN. I actually applied this system when I was a captain of a college tennis team. Our team goal had been to move up to an upper division at the annual summer league. the former captains just planned practice menus by number and we hit the balls as many as possible. I thought that means was not as efficient as it could be. So I calculated backwards, divided 12 months into 4 3months blocks and assigned small goals to each 3months, in order to be able to become who we wanted to be. Unfortunately, we could not make it happen but we were definitely motivated at every practice and we saw the group of individuals gradually uniting as a team...
Whether you want to achieve something with people or by yourself, it is vital to set the goal and plan things out, and set the TIME LIMITATION.
You don't live forever, and you only live once after all.
Life feels like forever, but only much shorter.
It is not about how he succeeded as a businessman or how Tully's Coffe Japan was launched.
It is more of a book for anyone who is striving to make the full out of their lives.
I basically skim-read the book in one hour but some sentences stroke my mind.
5 years...5 years are what you need to move up to the next level. In other words, you might want to hang in there for at least 5 years, in order to really SEE 'the world' and absorb what you experienced. Then why 5 years? According to him, 5 years is what he thinks it takes to take yourself to a next, higher level. I personally think, in business-wise, 4 years should be long enough. In the 1st year, you kind of try and error, and learn lessons. 2nd year, you make use of both mistakes and successes you made in the 1st year. And 3rd year...3rd year is the year to apply past experiences to the annual routines and make it more effective and efficient. 4th year, it might be the time to apply past experiences to what to come next. But I don't know, the time span one needs totally depends on persons and their ability, what they do and how they learn from the past and plan the future...
Speaking of planning the future, one more piece of knowledge that hit me. It's nothing new, I sort of already absorbed this idea from playing sports but never knew it could be applied to business, or let alone, life. When you see the end, you will be naturally motivated to work even harder since you only have so much time and you know you won't be doing what you are doing at the moment for ever. It's like sports. You NEED to set a goal, you NEED to have a dream that you want to make come true by a certain date. Otherwise, you will probably end up spending life repeating the same stuff and wondering when you will get there or if you will ever get there... If you know you only do what you are doing now only for 5 years, you will calculate backwards WHAT you need to achieve BY WHEN. I actually applied this system when I was a captain of a college tennis team. Our team goal had been to move up to an upper division at the annual summer league. the former captains just planned practice menus by number and we hit the balls as many as possible. I thought that means was not as efficient as it could be. So I calculated backwards, divided 12 months into 4 3months blocks and assigned small goals to each 3months, in order to be able to become who we wanted to be. Unfortunately, we could not make it happen but we were definitely motivated at every practice and we saw the group of individuals gradually uniting as a team...
Whether you want to achieve something with people or by yourself, it is vital to set the goal and plan things out, and set the TIME LIMITATION.
You don't live forever, and you only live once after all.
Life feels like forever, but only much shorter.
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